Well, it may not be our thwarted big family trip to St. John, but I’m cozy, under a blanket, listening to my main man’s music,
working on THE NEW WEBSITE
and OMG do I have a story for you as my big premiere.
I literally could not make this stuff up.
Stay warm and stay tuned.
Patience, my dear ones. For I am off to a happy place, where I will be celebrating my 8th Engagemaversary in that very same spot.
…is what I had written, yesterday,
prepared to publish today,
as I would now be off to St. John, via St. Thomas, with my entire family; Parents, siblings, kids…
It’s funny. Just last week, Jordan said, “The way to virtually guarantee that a child will get sick is to schedule something that you really want to do.”
And it has been no secret that we have been sickie little chickies in my house for the past month.
But weeks of sick days and doctor visits all kind of came to a head yesterday when I crashed, unexpectedly, at 3pm, woke up two hours later in excruciating ear pain. I have been suffering from TMJ on my right side, but this pain was on my left. And I couldn’t hear out of my ear. Weird.
So, I shook the sleep out of my head and rallied to give the baby his nighttime bottle, give my daughter her kiss goodnight, and I told my husband that something wasn’t right. All of the local urgent care facilities were closed and all my doctor besties were stuck without otoscopes (I just wanted to see if I was crazy), so we found a Care Stat location a little ways away and I got checked out.
I told the doctor about my TMJ. “First let me look at your right ear, or your ‘good ear’,” she said.
“Yup, this ear is infected.”
Then she moved onto my left.
And all she said was, “Whoa.”
That’s never what you want to hear from a doctor.
So I have a double ear infection, but on my left side it is pretty severe, and I am prohibited from flying for a week. Which means that we had to cancel our trip to our happy place.
It’s ok. I was most disappointed for my daughter and parents, but we have made alternate arrangements so that my kids will be taken away on a fun family trip, just the four of us, that involves driving, and no change in elevation that will perforate my eardrum.
I walked out of the urgent care office, into the Krispie Kreme two doors down, and ate a hot glazed doughnut right off of the conveyer belt. Because, really, what else was there to do?
So, I will continue where I had left off yesterday before this all went down (when I thought I would be leaving you for St. John):
Please don’t think I would leave you hanging. Oh no.
Because we have some big changes on the not so distant horizon; my home for the past 4.5 years,
http://www.mommyeverafter.wordpress.com,
just got quite the makeover. We are moving on up people.
Very soon, this blog will be located at…
You can visit the site to countdown to our big launch on December 22. There will be ads! There will be new categories! There will be a feathers! This is forrealz.
And I realize that my audience here is mixed; some of you have been here from the beginning, while others are newer to the land of mom. So I am leaving you with some old favorites. And the fun thing is, they lead you to other old posts. You have almost 900 of ’em to wade through as I wade through the ocean. (Editor’s note: I don’t even have to say it. Frowny face.)
Let me take this opportunity to say thank you.
This past year (and I am getting choked up) has been the hardest in my life; I am so grateful for the support I have received from YOU. You have empowered me to tell me story and motivated me to help others. Thank you. I would not be here without you.
So here you go. I’ll be popping in here and there over the next week, but to tide you over:
The craziest call to the pediatrican ever. (Really, ever.)
The second craziest call to the pediatrican,, ever. And it’s a close second.
See you on the flip side at http://www.mommyeverafter.com,
the home of everything ever after.
Happy Five year Engagemeversary, partner.
I feel so blessed to be sunning on the same magical island,
and living in the same bedroom,
sleeping in the same bed,
that we shared, five years ago today,
when you first asked
and I first answered.
With all that has changed in our lives,
it’s nice to know that we are in the same place,
and we are the same people,
with a love that has only grown.
And P.S. I still say yes.
Thanks, so much for asking.
that although I am in a land far, far away,
where my internet connection is limited to 36 seconds a day,
and my phone has not worked since Sunday,
and where the rum drinks flow like….
….you know….
I feel compelled to take the last 22 seconds of signal I have
to say
that at this moment,
for me,
happiness is
spending more hours in the ocean than on land,
sitting on a tall bar stool and sharing a virgin pina colada with my kid,
the smell of sun tan lotion and coconuts
and the taste of freshly caught fish
and sitting, huddled up, in a hot tub with 6 of the people I love the most in the world,
and mango beer at 3 in the afternoon
and watching my baby dance on a table
and chasing iguanas
and sleeping in the bed in which I got engaged
and having all family, all the time
and spicy food
and steel drums
and stolen kisses
and stories and memories that will keep me warm for many moments to come.
I don’t want this week to end.
Time, slow down, please,
for this is my happy place.
Happiness is here.
Here is love.
My apologies.
I know that things have been quiet around these parts.
While I may have been absent outwardly,
rest assured that I’ve been a good blogging squirrel,
gathering seeds and hoarding stories and collecting photos of my baby, bee-lining towards sparkly shoes, to share with you.
But, the truth is, it’s been a hard week.
And it’s a long story.
But the short story is this:
This week, I was quiet because I was, quite literally, at a loss for words…
Because this week, I had to hold my big dog in one arm, and my little girl in the other arm, and tell my big dog to give my little girl a kiss, and tell my little girl to give my big dog a kiss….
and then I had to tell them to say goodbye to one another.
This week, we had to let go of our Ziggy.
And I can’t really write more now,
because…
I just can’t.
And while I’m not usually a fan of the ellipsis,
there is so much that I want to pour out from my insides, but the only thing I can muster are these three dots. And in these three dots are the story of my little boy,
who came to me with a tongue too big for his mouth, and feet too big for his stature,
and a heart too big for his body.
And the story of how, on the first morning we got him, he played with his metal food bowl, clanking that thing around the kitchen, until the walls jingled and jangled around us…
how on that first morning, we thought we had found our boy his forever home, having rescued him, in every sense of the word.
And the jingling and the jangling only continued,
as our Z boy made noise as he barked and bellowed,
as he stomped and tromped,
and as he loved big.
As big as his paws.
As big as his heart.
…
Everything about Ziggy has always been supersized, and although that was so often a good thing, and so much of what made him so lovable,
his fear ultimately got the better of him.
Big fear.
And this summer, when he began to snap at our little Lola, we took it very seriously. We took it as a warning. And we worked hard. But as his anxieties got worse, so did his aggression, as he would snap at other dogs on walks, and pounce on Lola, viciously, for scraps of food or a turn with a toy. And soon, Lola got no more scraps and no more turns. And she got injured. And we got worried. But we worked harder.
And then, last week, our worst fears came true. He snapped at our daughter. While we have always known how much our Zig loves our little bee, we also know that his fear has gotten out of control. Perhaps it is from the scars of his former life. Perhaps he has reached his sexual maturity. Perhaps his wires are crossed the wrong way.
But all speculations aside, we knew what we had to do. We had to protect our family and, most of all, our daughter.
And so, with the advice of our vet, family and friends, we surrendered Ziggy back to the rescue home from which we got him, 2 1/2 years ago.
And typing those words, I feel like I’m going to throw up.
…
On the last morning we had him, Ziggy played with his metal food bowl. The walls jingled and jangled around us. My heart wept.
As we said goodbye to him, we told him how much we loved him, how much he has meant to us–will always mean to us–and how quiet our lives will be without him.
My husband and I sat on the floor, holding our big boy in our arms, and we melted into a deluge of tears, wishing that there was some other way, but knowing that there was not.
The rescue organization will be working hard to find him a new home, and is confident that they will place him soon, with a family without young children or other animals. He is an incredible, cute, wonderful dog, who will thrive in the right home. We just wish that home could be ours.*
So, our lives have been quieter.
And I have been quieter.
And now that I’ve found some of my words, I’m hopeful that the first leg of the grieving process has begun…and ended.
And now is a good time for us to start fresh, as tomorrow, we embark upon a rather exciting chapter in our lives,
Baby’s first vacation.
And we are going back to our most treasured spot; our happy place; our Paradise.
And while we are there we will be surrounded with sun and love,
and reminisce about our engagement there, in that very room, five years ago this week
And we will draw lines in the sand with our toes
and we will listen to the sea
and it will be quiet.
And I will miss our boy.
Our boy who is never quiet, and who is always loved.
*If you, or anyone you know, is interested in helping us to find the perfect forever home for our Ziggy, please email me at MommyEverAfter@gmail.com, or contact the fabulous rescue organization directly Here. Much love and noise and thanks xx Becca
and I am not permitted to write any new words of my own,
and because my co-teacher asked me about my engagement ring, just this morning,
here you go:
the chance for you to catch up on my Proposal Story,
just in case you may have missed it.
And for those of you who’ve read it before,
do you remember how I kept you in suspense? Do you remember how you were banging down my door to finish telling you story?
Well, here you go! In full,
the story of our engagement.
Spoiler Alert: It has a happy ending.
Bon Appetit!
mommy, ever after 