The hardest part.

The hardest part of being a parent is watching your child suffer.

I am so so so so so so so millionsofsos blessed that our suffering has been limited

and that our daughter has had a healthy, happy life.

But, today she is sick. She has been sick for a week. It is RSV

or, for those of you who are not

doctors,

parents,

teachers

or crazy,

Respiratory Syncytial Virus.

And it freakin sucks.

As I said, she has been sick for a week now, and at our second visit to the doctor today, she tested positive for this virus.

And she has to use a nebulizer, as she requires breathing treatments every four hours.

And each treatment takes 5 minutes, and they feel like the longest five minutes I’ve had, because she hates the machine, and the mask she must wear, and the cloudy air she must inhale, and so she cries, and screams and fights me and her veins bulge and my heart shatters into five million pieces.

And then we eat M&Ms.

And we dry our tears.

So, if I’m quiet for the next few days, it is just because I will be using all of my energy to nurse her, and to hold her, and to make her feel as comfortable

and as loved

as possible

until she gets better.

Thank goodness we have the family that we do

(may I just add that both of my grandfathers, her great-grandfathers, called in the past 30 minutes, just to check on us. How lucky is that?!)

and, and I don’t mean to boast or to be obnoxious,

but thank goodness that my daughter has me as a mom,

because I can’t control how she feels

and I can’t control what germs she picks up

and what viruses she comes down with,

but I can sure as heck give her all of the love and kisses and episodes of Elmo’s World and fruit pops that she needs.

I love her with all of my heart, and when she can’t breathe, I can’t breathe. When her voice gets lost in a coughing fit, I can’t make a sound. I love her and I want to kiss her and make her all better. I will sure try.

Please let my baby feel better soon.