Pillow Talk and Crying Happy

Bedtime is something that I cherish now more than ever.

It became our special ritual a little while back now, and the routine has expanded.

First, it is two stories.

Then 5 or 6 songs. Then we watch a few music videos or make up songs. Then we snuggle.

But tonight I really wanted to be present. And the funny thing is, this was the first week day that my daughter didn’t have camp in eight weeks, so believe you me, she was present with me from 6am on.

But I put my head on the pillow beside her

(she likes the cool side)

and told her that she is the most special thing I know.

I said, “You are kind. Do you know what kind means?”

“Generous.” She replied.

“Do you even know what that word means?” and we giggled.

I told her that she is good. And that she is kind. And that she is smart. And that she is talented. And that she is a great singer (and then she sang “Laaaaa” with a perfect vibrato). And that she is beautiful. And that she is special. And that she makes everyone around her smile.

She told me that I am special because I show her so much love. Tears filled my eyes.

“If you could have one wish in the whole world, what would it be?” I asked.

“I would wish for a mermaid tail,” she said, without a pause to think. “What would your wish be?”

“I wish that you will be happy every single day of your life,” I told her.

“Well, then that’s good because your wish is going to come true, mommy.”

And the tears grew bigger.

“Mommy? My wish isn’t going to come true is it?” she asked.

“Probably not, sweetheart.”

“Then I wish that you are happy every single day of your life,” she said.

If this past week has taught us anything it is to cherish those we love and hold most dear.

I know that my daughter will probably have some sad days, and I wish with all of my might that I could prevent them, but I know that they are inevitable, no matter how many genie lamps I rub.

But if she can feel loved every day then I am doing my job.

“I am going to tell you a secret before I leave,” I whispered to hear, so quiet she could barely hear. “You are my heart. Do you remember how we did that puzzle today and for awhile those pieces were missing? Well before you I was like that puzzle; I had pieces missing. And then you came and you filled up my puzzle and made me whole.” I could barely get out the words. I was crying happy, as she says.

And she leaned in close to me and put her hand on my cheek and looked into my wet eyes.

“I am going to tell you a secret now. I saw Elsa. And guess what? She had REAL ice powers. BUT she was NOT wearing nail polish.”

Be this happy–this innocent–for the rest of your life sweet girl. 

And don’t stop believing in mermaid tails.