When it rains…

2 Aug

The past few weeks have been trying.

I have felt overwhelmed.

And sometimes lonely. And sometimes scared.

It has been hard. For reasons that I have written about on here

and for other reasons that I have not.

And I have not chosen to share certain things because

I like to use this space to express my gratitude,

and to talk about sparkly shoes and dance parties and princesses.

And because there are some things that I’ve chosen to keep private.

But, as hard as this summer has been in some ways,

it has also been very beautiful.

I am so grateful that my loved ones, who were once ailing, are now healing.

I am overwhelmingly thankful for our incredible support system.

I am blessed.

Because as hard as much of this summer has been, it has also given me so many moments of wonder;

my daughter now speaking in small sentences

Hi Lola, woof woof!

No no, Ziggy, shhh!

And she learned to walk.

My baby walks!

And she sings.

My baby sings!

And she takes off her glasses and cleans them with a tissue.

My baby isn’t a baby!

Sigh.

***

Overwhelmed.

So tonight, as my feelings of fear crept back up into my throat,

threatening to choke me,

I decided to quiet the noise and take my girl for an evening walk to the park.

And as I walked, my baby walked by my side, and she stopped, right next to this.

Once again, my angels have come to the rescue.

And as soon as I saw that small, black feather, I could breathe again.

And I realized that everything will be OK.

I had my hand around my daughter’s tiny, delicate wrist, as she led me across the park

and I knew that we’d be fine.

We’d have to.

I guess sometimes I have to stop taking care of my little baby turned little girl,

and give her a minute to take care of me.

So yes, our rainstorm may continue,

the skies may open

and pelt us with hail

but as long as I have her hand to hold,

I know

I will be fine.

Just fine.

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